got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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