If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
