Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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