I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
