i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize