This is not my ceiling
I feel great
I just peed on a car
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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