i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
