just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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