I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
