I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
