My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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