i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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