you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
