I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
