i don't like sucking hair
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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