Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
