once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
FUCK WHALES
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