I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
