Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
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