were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
