apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
