well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i think im in europe. pls send help
Randomize
