Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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