I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
