dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
this boner is exhausting
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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