Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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