I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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