Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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