he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
