she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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