You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
