i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
