I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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