Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
