bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Can Purell be used as lube?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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