my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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