Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
