he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
