just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Randomize
