I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
