Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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