I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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