you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Randomize
