that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
