omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You may now shotgun with the bride
They took my balls.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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