I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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