this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
