Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
