i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize