i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
