Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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