so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
