Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
