P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
