can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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