toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I could fuck to npr.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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