He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
