We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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