That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
