Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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