I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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