I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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