What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
