i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
