you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The uberlube is also flammable
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
