I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
