So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize