your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
