....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You may now shotgun with the bride
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
