apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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