I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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