Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize