I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
