For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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